Self-Distancing
For our final blog in the Discomfort Tolerance Series, we're adding one more tool to your discomfort-tolerance toolbox: self-distancing.
Self-distancing is exactly what it sounds like, creating a little space between you and whatever you're thinking or feeling in the moment.
We're going to practice it in a slightly weird, but very simple way:
Talk about yourself, in the third person.
Become the Narrator
When you notice a moment of discomfort this week, pause and narrate what's happening, like you're describing a scene:
1. What's happening?
“Lindsay planned to work out, this morning.”
2. What are you feeling/thinking?
“Lindsay is tired, and really doesn't feel like getting started.”
3. What is the discomfort pulling you toward?
“Lindsay wants to skip the workout. She is telling herself she'll do it tomorrow.”
4. What else does the narrator know?
“Lindsay knows she usually feels better once she gets started, and she's practicing following through, even when she doesn't feel motivated.”
5. What does Lindsay want to choose?
“Lindsay is going to workout for 10 minutes, and then see how she feels.”
You're creating enough distance to see the whole situation, not just the feeling, story, or thought, that's yelling the loudest.
Your Discomfort-Tolerance Challenge
This week, catch ONE discomfort-tolerance rep, in the wild.
When you notice the discomfort and the urge to immediately react to it:
PAUSE → NARRATE → CHOOSE
Then notice:
What changed when you became the narrator, instead of immediately reacting to the feeling?
Maybe you made the same decision you would have made, anyway.
Maybe you made a different one, but practicing the skill is the most important thing!
Discomfort-Tolerance Journal Prompt
The Discomfort: What was happening?
The Pull: What did you immediately want to do?
The Zoom Out: What did you notice when you talked to yourself, in the third person?
The Choice: What did you decide to do?
Example of a Discomfort-Tolerance Rep
I was on a group business coaching call and had something I wanted to ask, but I noticed the discomfort that comes up for me around speaking up, and putting myself out there. I HATE speaking on these calls.
My Automatic Urge: Stay quiet. Don't raise my hand. Avoid the possibility of saying something, being wrong, or worrying about how I'll be perceived.
What I Practiced: I noticed the discomfort and didn't immediately let it make the decision for me. I let it be there and spoke up, anyway.
What I Noticed: The discomfort didn't need to disappear before I could act. I could feel nervous/uncertain, and choose to participate anyway. I reminded myself that I signed up to work with this coach, so I could get help growing my business, and if I stay silent on the calls, I'm not going to get what I'm paying for.
This one also felt especially relevant to the CEO I'm practicing becoming: I let myself be seen, without needing to know how I'll be received.
